Promises to My Daughter

This is a long-delayed followup to a post about my relationship to my toddler daughter's clothes and grooming. And my complicity in her indoctrination into compulsory femininity. And my intention to get her on Toddlers and Tiaras as soon as possible.

Uh, no. (via tlc.com)

I promise that in addition to telling you that you are beautiful, I will tell you that you are strong, smart, brave and generally amazing.

I promise to tell you are beautiful even when you respond, "You're my mother! You have to say that!"

I promise never to tell you to remove your body hair, pluck your eyebrows or wear makeup.

I promise that if you ask me about doing these things, I will teach you how in an informed and age-appropriate way.

I promise to let you wear your hair however you want.

Uh, sure, but you'll need to help pay for it out of your allowance / birthday money / babysitting wages (via sodahead.com).

Though since my hair was short and partly royal blue when E was born she'll likely rebel with long sausage curls and subtle blond highlights.

I promise to nag you about flossing, sunscreen, and cleaning under your fingernails.

I promise to continue to avoid talking about my body and/or face in negative ways in front of you. I don't want you to learn the sentences "I'm so fat," "My skin looks like a topographical map of Mars," or "I am as hairy as a Yeti" from me.

I promise to let you wear what you want, within reason, though I absolutely insist on retaining veto power.

Uh, also no. (via badmouthbaby.com)

I promise to teach you about gender's multiplicity and fluidity, both in general and in relation to appearance.

I promise to continually undercut the misogyny woven into ladymags and advertising campaigns.

I promise to keep trying to keep these promises, even when I screw things up.

Style Advice from my Grandma

Today's post is in honour of my Grandma. She's 95, and she is the most stylish nonagenarian you'll ever meet. Today my Grandma is having major abdominal surgery to remove what is most likely a cancerous tumor. In preparation for this surgery, she bought new perfume, new nightgowns, and new teeth. That kind of sums up her approach to style: there's no reason to be sloppy, no matter what cards life deals you.

Style Advice From my Grandma:

1. Being well-dressed is always appropriate. Grandma always looks elegant and poised. ALWAYS. Even when she was young and broke, even when she was a farm wife with two small kids, even when waiting for an ambulance.
2. Proper grooming is important. I've only seen Grandma without makeup once, and that was the day after she broke her (second) hip. Mind you, I'm quite happy to leave the house without makeup, but I do admire her dedication to looking how she wants to look.
3. Vanity can be dangerous. Grandma has avoided dealing with medical issues she found embarrassing. If she can get past that, so can the rest of us.
4. At a certain point, hair dye isn't fooling anyone. Grandma went silver very early but stopped coloring her hair in her 60s. Her now-platinum hair is shiny and gorgeous.
5. Figure out what works for you. Grandma likes jackets and blazers, so she buys a lot of them. She looks beautiful in soft colors like pink, leaf green, pale blue and cream, so that's what she buys.
6. One of the secrets to looking younger than you are is to keep up with fashion. She actually told my Mom this, and Mom passed it on to me. Grandma still buys a few new clothes -- often the aforementioned jackets -- once or twice a year. An on-trend jacket updates the classic long skirts, straight trousers, crewnecks and turtlenecks already in her closet. She buys new glasses frames every few years.
7. Find your perfect shopping partner. Grandma and her daughter, my Aunty P, are the original Shopping Team co-captains.
8. Good costume jewelry has a long lifespan. My grandparents never had much money, so Grandma doesn't have a lot of "real" jewelry. She regularly wears gorgeous costume jewelry she's had for decades.
9. Stand up straight. I bet your Grandma told you that too, didn't she?
10. Love can change a life. That's not style per se, but it's essential to who she is. A warm and caring heart is completely beautiful.